up in my grill

i have discovered, not recently, that personal space is a phenomenon, when it comes to me. where to start. first of all, let me preface this blog with the fact that i am only child. i am also a writer, which means i tend to have introverted tendencies. so, i am quite comfortable being alone. in fact, i revere it daily.

so, let me tell you while i am beguiled and perplexed about my personal space, or lack thereof.

scenario #1
when i go to the gym, i make it a point to find a machine where no one else is next to. why? i will tell you why. most chicks and dudes that go to my gym are not there to work out. how do i know this? well, when a chick comes in wearing freshly applied makeup with her flat-ironed hair down, you figure it out. but, this does not bother me, much. what does bother me is that they talk on their cell phones while walking on the stairmaster! and i don't mean like taking a quick emergency call - i mean they have 30-minute conversations at full-voice volume! seriously. but here is the phenomenon - there could be 50 open treadmills - i am not exaggerating on that number - and excessive chatty cell-phone chick comes and gets right next to me. why? there are like 49 open treadmills! a lot of times i take a book with me to read and i also wear my ipod, so i'm trying real hard to block out all the huffing noises people make when they run or whatever, then here comes charlotte-chats-a-lot and i'm wondering why - why does she feel the need to be all up in my grill when i'm clearly trying to multitask by reading and exercising? at that moment my grill should be seen as a public library. shhh!

scenario #2
public bathrooms. picture six stalls. let's say i walk in and the entire bathroom is empty. which stall do i go into? i go into stall number three - smack dab in the middle. that makes me think my odds of the next person who comes in and spreading out is pretty good. WRONG! it always happens. someone comes and gets right beside me and it never fails - they are not there for a short pit stop. so i have to rush to get out of there or else i gag.

scenario #3
there is this lady. i'm not saying who she is or where i know her from or when this happens, but oh my gahhhhhhhhhhhh! she is all up in my grill and then some. i get that she just doesn't get that it's way over the border too close to my face. in fact, sometimes i wonder if she is in need of a hug because why else would someone get so close to me? i know what you're thinking, but no, she is married. to a man. it just makes me very uncomfortable because the chances of getting spit upon are tremendously increased as well as the likelihood of me smelling metallica breath.

i'm not sure what this invasion of personal space is all about. it's not my imagination. it happens every day. maybe i have some rockin' pheromones? maybe people see me as a challenge - "ooh, that girl's reading a book, i bet she'd find my conversation much more interesting." or maybe ...

people
people who need people
are the most annoying people in the world

just kidding! i love people. not the barbra streisand song, but i love barbra streisand and i love people, as in a large quantity of individuals. while i love people, i just don't want to listen to wah wah wah, hear their grodie bathroom, no-shame noises, or be able to smell their breath up close and personal.

so, if you have any clue why my grill seems to attract bugs - get it, bugs - lemme know. just don't get too close to my face when you tell me.

disclaimer: no member of the spanksters has ever gotten too close to my grill, so no worries. you guys are totally in compliance with personal space and i commend you for your cognizance of others existing in this universe.

Killer Kites

Yesterday we out in the backyard to fly a kite. The backyard’s pretty big and it seemed like a good idea. There wasn’t enough wind and it would only stay up for a few minutes at a time. But the kiddo has a determined streak and wanted to keep trying. It was fun until we got it stuck in the top of the neighbor’s tree. Oops. Maybe they won’t notice.

So, today we bought 2 new kites. After learning a valuable lesson yesterday, we took the new kites to the soccer field to fly them. Today was really windy and a great day for flying kites.

The hubby told us about when he was a kid they would have kite ‘fights.’ I thought that meant they would try to whack each other with the kites but apparently that wasn’t the case. They would duct tape razor blades to the edges and then fight them in the air. He also admitted to duct taping nails and anything else they could find and then fighting the kites.

Of course, their parents knew nothing about it. That made me wonder how often they needed new kites, and that was pretty much every day. He said they would search the ditches for Coke bottles and sell those to make some money. Then they would purchase a new kite for forty-nine cents and off to the kite fights they’d go.

Being a mom, my first thought was that razor blades and nails on kites seemed like the perfect way to loose an eye or get someone’s throat cut.

I can see the headlines now, “Be on the lookout for a Killer Kite. It’s Pink and white with Hello Kitty on the face but don’t be fooled by its cotton candy coloring, this kite is deadly. Last seen heading north on a warm front of high pressure air.”