my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard ...

but my biscuit is not about to share.

reality shows where at least 20 chicks are competing for one man make me wanna gag. i'm talkin' 'bout 20 girls all kissing/hooking up with one man. the germ factor is enough to make my tummy hurt. gross!

why do i care if hoochies wanna share germs and look like dipsticks on national television for riding the wambulance over some dude who is just in it for the ego factor? aside from the fact that 1 in 4 teenage girls in the united states have an std, i care because romance should NOT get the shaft - EVER!

romance promotes monogamous relationships where two people care about each other. and yeah, romance novels have sex, sometimes lots and lots of sex, but you better believe it's between two people, not one guy and 20 girls, and those two people are not just in it for the physical aspect. it's about how they are both individually stronger because of each other. and they've gone on some journey to discover some higher realization about themselves or the other person. now i know some erotica in the market sometimes invovles more than two people, but i'm talkin' pacifically (got ya) 'bout the kind of romance the spanksters read and write.

anyway. these kinds of shows plaster a thelma harper grimace on my face. i just think women need to have more self-value, feel more self-worth, and not give all their goodies away. save your milkshake for one man!

what about you? would you want 19 other girls spankin' your biscuit?

NCLU

So, most of you know I earn my living helping the poor desperate computer illiterates of the world. Daily, I find myself surrounded by members of a large IT department, mostly guys that have things like CCNA or MCSE hanging off the end of their name. They wear that shit like a badge of honor.

They are what most people refer to as nerds. Computer Geeks. Or as one friend prefers: Just Geek.

Yeah, I know. Probably I am one because of the nature of my occupation, but seriously. I have an edge, or seven, on these boys. One, I’m a girl. And two? I dress better. Let me just say, if the scouts over at What Not To Wear are in desperate need, give me a call. I know some people.

It’s kinda joke around the office my aversion to the title ‘Geek’. I refute and deny any and all affiliation because it stands for something I just never want to be associated with. I have an image after all. But one day at lunch my favorite Nerd says something like this to me: Seriously, have you ever dated anyone that wasn’t a geek?

My mouth fell open to immediately deny, but no words came out. Because it was the God’s honest truth. With the exception of my first ‘true love’ *gag*…I think he’s in prison somewhere today…I really have only ever gone out with really intelligent guys. An engineer, a programmer, a stock broker and finally my DH, a man that can’t remember his address but can read a CAD drawing and calculate the exact time it will take to manufacture and the exact cost of a project in seconds while I can barely count the change at the bottom of my purse.

Talk about being in denial. My point is Nerds are the hot thing right now. Girls are hanging out in Apple stores just hoping to find the nerd of her dreams. Seriously, someone did a study. And since my nerd friend pointed it out to me, I’ve gone into overprotective mode, spewing radical nerd nonsense in defense of my everyday hero’s against these bimbos who are hoping to encroach. I’m like the NCLU (Nerds Civil Liberties Union).

LEAVE MY NERDS ALONE.

So, probably this is more of just a rant than anything that will help any of us excel in writing…except if you are writing about some studly geek, I definitely know some geeks. And a couple of hot, young baseball players to help with the studly part.

The same friend also pointed out to me that I have a thing for bic-bald guys. Whatever. Oh, no wait, he was right about that too. Damn Nerd (he hates when I call him that) thinks he knows me so well. Hmpft.

Am I old fashioned?

Yes, I think I am. I seem to have some odd moral issues in my reading habits. I'm reading a great historical romance but the heroine is a dance hall girl, one step up from a common whore. It's a good book but I just can't identify with her. I'm all into the hero though. This is coming from a former teenager who LOVED Pretty Woman. Watched that one over and over and never had a problem but for whatever reason, I just can't get into romances with a woman who is, well, who is not a virgin. Ok, there I've said it. Slap me silly with the old fuddy-duddy stick. I know, this is a problem I should get over. Real women have a sex life, but this little old-fashioned voice says, "not in my novels."

Why is this? This is probably why I read historicals. This does not answer the question as to why I love Romantica and juicy sex scenes. Having a man who, in borrowing a phrase from my mom, has the morals of an alley cat, doesn't do it for me either, so at least I'm an equal opportunity fuddy-duddy.

Does anyone else feel this way or should I pull out my poodle skirt with petticoat and deck shoes and go sit in the corner? BTW, use of the "f" word in novels does not bother me. That would be real hypocrisy if it did. :)

How do you handle a slump?

Last week I was in a bit of a slump, so I did some research on how other authors managed to get past those times when they just could not get anything accomplished. I came away with some terrific ideas and managed to find a few of my own. Here is a list of ten things that helped me get through the week and back on track.

1. Read something that is not in the genre that you write. Right now I'm in the middle of a juicy
historical and loving it.

2. Get a massage.

3. Drink a glass of wine.

4. Take a long soak in the tub.

5. Change your writing location. I like the public library.

6. Do research either on the book you are writing or one that you want to write.

7. Watch a romantic movie. My fave is Under the Tuscan Sun.

8. Research publishers and agents.

9. Get a massage, then drink a glass of wine and soak in the tub while reading a good book.

10. Tough it out! Write, even if it's crap. Eventually you will get your groove back.

How do you pull yourself out of a slump?

mondays still suck

it's another snarkalicious monday, and i'm actually in a fired-up mood to blog about several things that just antagonize the bull in me, but it's getting late and i need to write. and revise. and re-read. i am anticipating a quiet blog week from most of the spanksters as we continue to prepare for DID.

taurus, out.

Don't piss me off

This week I discovered a new ability. I can curse things. Yep, that's right. Little ole me, cursing (not cussing, although I have been known to do that too). Hence the title of today's blog. What brought this about, you might ask. As you might have noticed, I've been rather scarce of late due to moving into my new house. Which, BTW, is lovely. Back to the cursing. On Tuesday, day of having to find a boat to go anyplace, the hubster and I were heading on over to our old house and I opened my big mouth and mentioned how nice it was to own a house that didn't leak. No flooding in the driveway that almost made it into the house (and we wondered when we first bought it why there were sandbags in the storage shed), no leaking fireplaces or doors. The hubster gasped and said that I just cursed us. I laughed, thinking I did not have this ability. But hey, I do, so watch out!

Yep, walked back in to the new place several hours later and what to our wondering eyes did appear, but a waterfall in the master bedroom window and a leak in the middle of our study. I spent the evening shuttling pots around and watching this spot on the ceiling fall in. Luckily our builder came out the next day and fixed the roof (we hope) and is coming back on Monday to redo the sheetrock.

But the main lesson is, what I say comes back to bite me in the a$$. Rather odd thought. Sounds like something I heard at RWA conference last year, if it ain't nice, don't say it. Karma catches up to you when you least expect it. The leaking roof is hopefully fixed, but other things we say have a tendency to haunt us.

Know what I mean? And BTW, don't say anything to cause me to curse at you. :)

Who do you read?

I've always loved to read. It started with Dr. Seuss and progressed to Nancy Drew. I wanted to be Nancy and solve mysteries. I've read comics and magazines and when I read 'The Borrowers' I would pretend that tiny, little people lived in the walls. I spent quite a bit of time making little things for them to use. Gathering up thimbles and buttons for them to use as cups and plates.
Then I found Stephen King and that was a whole new genre. I read everything of his that I could find. His stories were different then anything else I had read and they were so imaginative. I loved 'The Stand' and was so excited when it was turned into a movie. Of course the movies very rarely match up to the way I imagine the book.
But after Stephen King I found Dean Koontz and he's my all time absolute favorite! His books are imaginative and so well written. I love the way he puts words together in a fresh and interesting way. And a large number of his stories have a really cool and super smart dog and they almost always have a happy ending. The happy ending is vital for me. I get a little pissed off if I read 400 pages of something and the ending is unsatisfying. Real life is often unsatisfying. I read to escape and I don't want to escape to some place with stupid people where the bad guys win.
That's one of the great things about romance. The happy ending. There are many different romance authors that I enjoy and I always expect the end will be satisfying. Although I have to admit there have been a couple of times when the author didn't come through with the ending and that made me hesitate before buying their next book.
Who do you like to read?

the most irresistible brown eyes i've ever seen ...

are on my basset hound, shakes (short for shakespeare). today is his 8th birthday. happy birthday, lil’ biscuit.

i’ve never been much of an eye person—you know, some people totally fall for blue eyes, but eye color or eyes in general have never really done it for me. my characters are much more acute to the beauty and sensuality of eyes than i am. and that’s cool. that’s why i write romance. so i can make stuff up and have a happy ending.

it’s fun to look through the eyes of my heroine and write through her POV what draws her to the hero, and vice versa. writing about how his brown eyes feel on her skin—not too much skin—but just enough to entice his imagination, makes me wonder … hmm … why didn’t I think about that kind of stuff when xxxx xxxxxxxx was checking me out while I xxxxxx at xxxxxxxx xxxxxx xxxx? damn, he was xxx. he said xxxx to me all the time. he talked about my xxxxx and my xxx then he’d xxxx me on the xxx with a xxxxx.

sorry, that was kind of fun—like a fill in the blank romance!

anyway, you know who I think has the most irresistible eyes now, so it's your turn to share. or, you can try to fill in the blanks:)

Ah, golly gee! That really smarts....

You've all read it. That contemporary novel with the supposed Alpha male that just refuses to cuss. Or rather, where the author doesn't allow him to cuss.

And don't you just hate that?

There's been some buzz about this topic in recent trade publications; authors talking about the amount of 'vulgar' language found in today's novels and their dissatisfaction with the trend.

Hmmm. I'm sorry BUT I'm on the drop-the-f-bomb-please bandwagon. That mf'in train rolled through my town and I am now the f'in conductor.

That guy up there? I bet he cusses.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want my hero having tea with his sweet elderly grandma and cussing like a sailor or my kick-a$$ heroine telling her best friend what a bleeping lovely bleeping day she has had, but I do believe there is a time and place for it. Like the time Carly walked in on Damien doin' the do with some b-ball whore. That was a time for a good cuss word...or five.

It's what most young people do today. They cuss - both male and female. It's a fact. The ones that don't, well, they're probably not reading my style of writing anyway.

I read a book recently by an author that I have adored since I was a kid. It was a contemporary mystery and I hated it because of the hero's voice. The hero said things like sh!t and damn but that was the extent of it and I really feel like she missed the ball on showing me what he was really feeling.

I also think it really dated the author. That's just my opinion.

The great thing about The Spanksters? We all seem to realize the value of a good f-bomb in the right scene. I bet even Robin lets it rip now and again with an old world 'bloody hell'. And that's perfect! In a historical - it's law.

So, that's my sound off. Let 'em curse and if you don't like it? That's fine. There's another category about two rows over that's perfect for your reading enjoyment.

Just make sure you go the right way, if you don't you'll end up in 'Erotica' and that's another can of worms!!!

10 Reasons.....

I’m blog challenged today so here’s a Thursday list of :


10 Reasons to Write

1. I need a goal to work towards.
2. It keeps me out of the bars. :)
3. It’s a great creative outlet.
4. The only way to get published is to write.
5. Writers are creative and interesting people to hang out with.
6. When it’s going well and the words are flowing, it’s a great euphoria.
7. I get to create worlds and make the people do exactly what I want. (Doesn’t sound like a control issue to me.)
8. I can’t imagine doing anything else.
9. I don’t get enough rejection in the rest of the world.
10. I love it!


What are some of your reasons?

Here's to the Men of the Oilfield

As my closest critique buddies know, I am living a secret identify as a blonde female thing running around the oil and gas derricks, platforms and plants of the world, saving the inhabitants and environment from such dangerous risks as chemical over-exposure, potential cancer and bed-bugs (yes, bed bugs). For almost 20 years I have hung out with these men (and yes, women, too - but this article is not for them...they must wait for their own). Today I'd like to dedicate this blog to them - the Boudreax's, Cowboys and 'Mate's of the petroleum world.

First, a little intro, please:

Unfortunately, no, I am not treated to a daily 'dinner-and-a-show' featuring the newest member to the drill floor roustabout team. Still, the film embodies the underlying no-holds-barred sense of humor of the average oil and gas worker - NOT that there is anything average about these men (and women - no I"m not forgetting them, because I am one). I am continually struck with the strength, both physically and mentally, of these individuals - men who quite often leave their families for weeks at a time to join a communal group performing a tiring, dirty and VERY complicated job task. Never underestimate the experience and intelligence needed to operate the massive equipment that is used to find, produce and deliver the VERY EXPENSIVE gas we are currently moving through our vehicles. And no - they don't see any more of that money than we do (that's the CEO's job).

Not always polite or politically correct, not always willing to take the easy road or go with the flow, but ALWAYS protective, ALWAYS ready to help, ALWAYS ready to laugh and do whatever it takes to make the job go easier...these are my work-mates. They are good men and I've loved working with them....and let's not forget the fact that they are so VERY, VERY male!!!! Definitely makes my job infinitely more fun! So, here's to the oilfield workers - my colleagues, my friends, my muses. Burn, baby, burn!!!!!

snarky spankster

garfield's snarky, which is how i tend to be on mondays. i did not adjust well to the time change - i know, i know - it's not like i traveled to britain or something and now i have jet lag, but man, it felt like turbo, i-flew-around-the-globe jet lag this morning - fo' sho.

i've come to realize that mondays are so difficult because sundays are big writing days for me. that means on monday i'm coming back to reality after having been immersed in an emotional abyss called christie's imagination. and, writing third person, i have spent an entire day pretending i am at least two different characters. chase that with saying au revoir to my biscuit, and i'm snarkalicious to the tenth power.

but being snarky isn't a bad thing, IMO. in fact, i enjoy reading and writing about snarky characters. and, when i'm around other real-life snarky people, i laugh and laugh and laugh - and totally relate.

can i see some jazz hands for all the snarky people lovin' some spankster blogs? no, don't do that. only people who wear petticoats with leather deck shoes do jazz hands.

snarky, out.

I HAVE THE POWER!!!!

Okay, be honest. How many of you thought I was going to write about He-Man? Well, I wasn’t but now I feel I have to or else I won’t sleep tonight. That’s how my little brain works.

I loved that show. When I was a kid it came on at 3 pm. The same time school got out. I can remember peddling my bike as fast as my little 8 year old legs would peddle all the way home, throwing the bike down, running into my room and turning on my little 5 inch black and white tv to catch the last ten minutes or so of the show. I’m pretty sure he was my first love. I’m not kidding. He lived in the magical world of good and evil, and good always beat the tar out of Skelator. Then there came She-Ra. Man, I wanted to be her so bad. She came on right after He-Man. I wanted to be her and marry He-Man and save the world from all the Skelator’s. Then they made them brother and sister and I threw up.

I mean seriously, did they have to do that?

The point of that is that I guess even back then I knew I had a powerful imagination. I could envision my life as these characters. I could make up stories and I could tell a lie better than any lawyer could. I used to go walking in the park and make up songs, singing softly to myself as I walked around that little pond waiting for my brother to finish fishing.

Which brings me to what I actually wanted to blog about tonight.

Music.

The power of a song.

I’m a huge fan of music. I live everyday for my 45 minute commute because it’s my time with my music. Every song I listen to I really listen to. Listen to the lyrics, see if I can see a story playing out in my head. They mean something to me.

I have a friend that loves music also, but she just loves the music. I can’t count the number of conversations we’ve had about certain songs where I start going on and on about the lyrics and she just gives be a blank stare and says ‘I’ve never really listened to the words’.

I’ve never fully understood this. Except it’s probably the difference between the right and left brain people of this world. How can you not listen to the lyrics? Not try to feel the pain or happiness someone is expressing? How can you not be moved by Toni Braxton begging someone to unbreak her heart? How can you not see yourself sitting beside Janis Joplin in that diesel truck singing along with Bobby McGee? Or, yes, I’ll admit it – snickering along with J. Timberlake as he tells Britney to cry him a river?

It’s the same with a novel. It’s how I aspire to write. I want my reader to become so emotionally attached to my characters that the feelings of my characters become their own. This is so rare in today’s market. Pretty much the only author that has the ability to do this to me is Judith McNaught. Almost every one of her novels has taken me on a roller coaster of emotions; from laughter to tears to sweet relief when the story ends. Especially Something Wonderful and Perfect. Two amazingly well written journeys that draw me in so closely to all of the characters, it’s actually hard for me to re-read them because I don’t want to re-live the heart breaking scenes.

So, to tie the two together, when I’m having trouble writing an emotional scene I pull out my Ipod and search through my playlists until I find a song that matches the emotions I think my characters are experiencing. I let the melody and lyrics wash over me until I reach that emotional plateau where I can relate; where I can finally put into words the emotions that I want my reader to feel.

Can you relate? What inspires you to write the emotional scenes in your stories? Does a song have the power to make you feel? Do you pull out an old movie to watch your favorite scene or the scene that moved you so powerfully? What works for you to help draw out the emotions needed to make your words real?

…and I’d like to Thank The Academy…

Ok, I admit it. I'm still reading the same book but it's really good and it makes such great points about having a good life. Which is what most people want - is to have a good life.

The latest point is that gratitude is a powerful emotion. Have you thought lately about the things you’re grateful for? Have you ever made a list of those things?

Making a list of things that bring happiness and ease into your life shifts your thinking and energy in a positive way. Maybe you’ve been focused on what you don’t have, but if you focus on what you DO have, it can change the way you feel about your life and the way you go about your daily life. Feeling thankful and good creates the environment for more good things to come into your life.

Here’s an exercise to start your day. Before you get out of bed, think about something you are thankful for. And as you go about getting ready for the day, continue to list things that make you grateful. This should align your day in a positive way.

Another thing to do is ‘envision your day.’ Take a few moments to envision how you would like for your day to progress. You could envision a smooth and stress-free drive to work, then getting a great parking space, your favorite donuts/bagels in the office, etc. Always try to envision and expect good things to happen in your day.


Here's todays list of a few things I’m grateful for:

1. Family
2. The most excellent critique group ever. :)
3. A sunny day.
4. Beautiful flowers.
5. Funny movies and tv shows(I love Frasier).
6. Pomegranate Margaritas. :)
7. A comfy chair and a great book.
8. Chocolate.
9. Ice cream.
10. Great writers!


What are you grateful and thankful for? What's on your list?

Characterization Woes.....

How do you go about creating a memorable character? This is a question I ask myself over and over again. If I had to choose one area to focus on right now, it would be character development.

I freely admit to being a pantser. Plot development comes easy to me and once I get in the groove of the story, the characters practically tell me what is going to happen next. But what about the beginning? How to start out with a hero/heroine that readers will love at the beginning of the story.

I've tried filling out detailed surveys for every character in my story only to become frustrated at the amount of time I've wasted not getting on with my writing. I have a hard time
believing that what color nail polish my heroine prefers or who my hero had for a teacher in third grade is important to character development.

I've studied the archetypes ad nauseum. My characters seem to take qualities from two or three different types. I don't know if that's Okay. Maybe that's my problem.

And what about writing a detailed backstory that never makes it into your novel. Actually that sounds like a good idea. I just don't have the patience for it.

Right now, I just right the story and go back and layer...and layer...and layer...

So how do you create memorable, appealing characters?

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stubborn bulls are just misunderstood

several blogs ago, angie asked what inspires us, in regard to writing.

for me a lot of my ideas come from the past—some drama, some random occurrence, some unresolved issue, some experience i’ve had. that’s where the book starts for me. with something I know. sure, I do research and make stuff up, but it all starts from something i’m intimately familiar with.

but, beyond the ideas. what inspires me as a creative professional? what inspires me in a business that is largely driven by subjectivity? what inspires me to accept that not everyone is going to love what i write?

i’ve gotten a lot of flack over the years for my admiration of a certain person, but i’ve come to realize the teasing is either because:

a.) people get a kick out of my feisty side
b.) people don’t really get how awesome she is
c.) both a and b

well, I’m feisty, but only about things i’m passionate about.

and I’m passionate about writing ... and my admiration for this chick.

this woman has faced adversity, criticism, discouragement, discrimination, etc. but she went on to dominate—hell yeah—and she’s still dominating—hell yeah two times! but what inspires me is not specifically her myriad talents or that she can make $60 million in just a few months. what inspires me is she never gave up; her work ethic; her drive for excellence; her attention to the most minute details; her perfectionist tendencies; her focus; her I-don’t-care-if-you-don’t-like-how-I-look; her I’m a determined woman in a man’s world.

that's what inspires me.

and on top of all that, she still managed to land a hot older man.

say hello, gorgeous.